I've been tied up with one of my projects (we've all had those doomsday projects that feel like hell and never seem to end) and my whole world has taken a turn for the worse. One thing I've learned about myself is I don't like leaving things half-done. Even with my trusty to do list and workflow system, I've unloaded all my work out of my head, but the idea that there is still work to do, and I could be doing it now and getting it done eats away at me. I suppose it's the need to know I'm making the best use of my time that matters.
But this attitude is the same reason I found myself up at 5am working a few nights and hitting the wall on Friday morning when I woke up feeling like a pile of mud. And I'm not talking about the useful type that can be part of a healthy fertilizer or turned into a sculpture, I'm talking about the type that has its minerals stripped away and is really not strong enough to hold its own weight when dry. My brain couldn't focus, my motivation was at zero and it was at that point the willpower had to kick in. It's like having to go for a jog when you got the runs, you can push yourself to go for it but every now and then you're going to feel an uncomfortable strain that you have to somehow power through.
On a brighter note, March is coming to an end and this month has been quite brutal work-wise for me. I've become better at allocating my time towards projects and trying to balance my schedule, but unforeseen doomsday project management is still something I have to master. I have, however, learned that the only way to recharge a person's motivation and willpower is to do the opposite of exactly what you're trying to be motivated about.
Today's Sunday and I've decided to let myself off for half a day. Baby steps as they say and here I am, enjoying the peace of a Sunday. These next 4 hours are going to be awesome :)
Labels: day 10