31 August 2014

Hello 7.5 years old blog!

Well, well, well, another milestone, my blog is officially 7.5 years old! Woah! I talk a lot! Thank goodness I type quite fast otherwise I'd be wasting a lot of my time.

So life has been crazy busy as usual but recently, I've hit a wall where I can totally feel myself banging into a mental maximum. One of my clients even told me "I noticed you were making a few mistakes, I had a feeling you were over-worked because you normally don't make these mistakes".
It's interesting how life is all about testing the waters constantly and learning when to pull back.

In fact, a few days ago I was talking with my band mates, remembering the good ol' times and how life was so much simpler back then. It made me think, why has life suddenly become more complicated now? I mean, I remember many years ago, I even used to take Tuesdays off. Yes, like around 5 - 6 years ago, I'd work weekends but Tuesdays would be my day off where I would go out and walk around and just enjoy that day, knowing I still had the whole week ahead and the weekend waiting for me to take care of everything.

Sure, business has grown, my comedy career has become bigger, but it's been a while since I've had a day off guilt-free. I've come to realize this is even harder than being organized. To be able to take your mind off work/growth and just live. I guess that's what they mean about being in the moment.

Nonetheless, there are times when I'm totally in the moment: When I'm working out and when I'm on stage performing comedy. I suppose because both those tasks really do require me to be fully involved, it doesn't allow space for anything else to creep in.

But looking back on the last 7.5 years, what I have learned is that I've totally shaped my habits and personality. Like I can see myself slowly slipping back into certain ways. Every time I re-read old entries, I notice patterns in myself. For example, I can't seem to get enough of challenging myself. Like, I've discovered this is what I'm all about, constantly challenging my limits because I'm very curious to see how far I can push myself. It's not about competing with others, but competing with my previous self. Like if I did a killer 25 minute comedy set one night, the next time I'm on, I don't want a killer 25 minute set, 26 minutes is what satisfies me. I suppose greed for growth is what it is.

At the same time, I've started to come to terms with myself and have literally been forcing myself to take some time to just do non-work. That means stuff that isn't directly related to my career or self-growth. A good example is playing video games. Yes, I know this sounds very ridiculous, but when you've been conditioning yourself to be disciplined and stuff, actually being non-disciplined suddenly becomes quite challenging. I mean if you told me "Go play games for 1 hour straight", my brain would be thinking "sitting for that long isn't good, I better set a timer to at least stand up every 10 minutes" ahahah...it's like conditioned into my system.

However, recently I've been taking many moments to re-think life in general. Like, why be so aggressive, why not take it down a notch and enjoy the process a bit more. Instead of aiming to jump higher, why not aim at enjoying the ball game more?

When I was 25, I had this random goal that I'd like to retire at 35....this is still a goal in my head, and so far things are on track. But honestly, the more I notice myself, the more I realize I'm not a "goal achieved, now sit back and relax" kind of a guy, I'm a "goal achieved, what's the next adventure?" kind of guy... so I suppose I'll never end up retiring.... which makes this goal all the more interesting. Now I'm curious what state I'll be when I'm 35...hmmmmmm.

Anyway, 7.5 years, lot of growth and definitely lots of changes. I'm turning 32 this year, which means in 3 years, I'll be back here reporting about my 35 year old achievement....


Blogger Chi said...

Mate, I find it extremely hard to imagine you as "fully retired", maybe less of the work you don't enjoy and more of what you do, but not retired as in the traditional sense.

I do know what you mean by find it hard to relax, be that mentally or physically. Hope you find the balance that works for you

15 September, 2014 17:28  
Blogger Vivek Mahbubani said...

What's up Chi! Ahaha yeah I doubt I'll ever be "fully retired"... sitting around doing nothing would drive me nuts! But definitely less of the stuff I don't enjoy... I guess that comes with age, you tend to have less tolerance for things that aren't what you're about.

Anyway, lately been really forcing myself to take things a bit slower, focusing more on what actually is useful vs. just getting stuff done....so far so good, though it's hard to turn stuff down then have free time later and go "damn, I could have done that!"

15 September, 2014 21:25  

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