Don't sweat yourself out

Argh, well I've done it again, I'm 2 days late for my day 10 entry. But mind you, it's not because of laziness, I'm actually at 100..well 101% workload right now. I was on my way home today and I finally felt the need to actually stop and sit down for just 5 minutes to regroup. Well not really regroup but more like just put everything on hold. I've come to realize 50% of the stress I face daily actually comes from myself! As I've said before my expectations of myself are growing every day and it's slowly getting to the point my growth isn't keeping up with the pace I'd like to be growing. Is this greed or impatience? Or simply a good form of pressure? You don't expect to get fit without pushing yourself past your comfort zone at the gym. I've always been a firm believer of what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger but today I got to a point I realized that that statement forgot to remind you that to get stronger, you need to allow yourself to grow. And that to grow, you need to let it happen during rest. Our body rejuvenates and heals and grows during our resting periods (sleep). So why am I expecting so much from myself and every time I'm about to go to bed I feel like it's an obstacle coming in my way?

I suppose it is indeed impatience on my part. Perhaps it's a greed to get things done but realizing I can't and an unwillingness to stop "working" and begin "resting" because I feel like I'm being lazy at a time I should be working harder. Or is it me just compensating for all the time lost due to unexpected things (like sudden demands from clients or family matters or traffic jams?) I believe not in working harder but working smarter. I've already improved my self-productivity by implementing systems like GTD and automating a lot of my processes. I was talking to a friend today and jokingly said that the more I make free time, the more I get myself involved in. GTD has been a blessing and a curse. It's made me more productive and the chances of me forgetting are dropping because I've gotten used to the system and it's become a part of my life now, however, it also stresses you out because as you get more organized, you find that there are more and more things you want to get done! Before, without a system, I'd have these great ideas, and if I forgot them... well I just forgot about them and enjoyed my free time. Now, with GTD, when I'm free, all I have to do is turn to my someday/maybe list and all of a sudden my holiday becomes a work day again. Yes, I'm a workaholic, but the real question is, where do you draw the line between working and having fun?

A perfect example is me and drumming. Currently, I'm working on the song by Lamb of God called Now you've got something to die for and boy is it complicated. It's not difficult, it's complicated. Kind of like cool tap-dancing isn't difficult, it's complicated. Anyone can tap their feet, but tapping them correctly, coordinated and in time is where the challenge comes. Like tonight, I came home, ate and told myself I'd practice that song for 10 minutes and ended up doing 35 minutes because I was having fun. After my practice, I got up and felt mentally exhausted from concentrating for so long and it felt the same way like I'd been working for an hour or two! So was that work just now or fun? I enjoyed it, but the end result was the same fatigue that I'd get from working on say a design or coding my projects. I suppose you could get tired from a Friends marathon? Does that make it on par with work?

I suppose the main question I have is what is work and what is play? Too much play and it turns into work? Or is it not work only when you do something free-flowing? Like I watch half an episode of Friends and when I want, I switch to something else? Anyways, finding out what really can be counted as rest is probably going into my someday/maybe list in GTD. Yay, one more thing before I can take a break. Ahaha the irony of life.